About roosters - a diversion

Let me start with a big thank you for all the comments and e-mails of support I have received in the last couple of days.  They are heartwarming and always appreciated.
First, a quick update.  Dave's mom is still in palliative care - we are just waiting for the phone call now.  Our son Eric tells us that she is peaceful.  My work is essentially on hold until the end of the big 10th anniversary conference that HOPE is now putting on.  I will be supporting them by doing registration etc.  After that we will see.

As the uncertainty in our lives continues, one turns to more mundane things to keep our mind off troubling ones. So I want to tell you about the humble rooster (not so humble actually!)

Around my place of work and my home, actually everywhere in Bamenda, there are roosters.  Not a creature that I have paid particular attention to in the past, the rooster has insituated itself in my daily life.  Where once I though of being woken up early by a country rooster an idyllic country image, now I am more likely to want them to just shut up. 

Who would have thought that cookle-doodle-doo could be so loud.  On reflection, when waking up a whole barnyard I guess one must be loud.  Still the other day, when one proud specimen let it all out just beneath my window, I truly jumped out of my chair.  I thought the world was coming to an end.  And trust me, they don't just crow in the morning, they start way before dawn and go all day. As a matter of fact, I hear one outside my window as I write this.

Not that I dislike the rooster.  He is a proud animal, strutting around his domain, usually surrounded by several hens.  With his head, crowned by a magnificient red crest, held high, he constantly surveys his entourage through jerky head movements, the rest of him very still, frequently letting out his cry.   Yesterday, as I was looking out my window, there was one.  As I stood up, the sharp eye made contact - I swear he was daring me to come closer, despite the wall and window that separated us.  Because roosters seem to have one eye on each side of the head, they always look like they are peering at you with suspicion. 

I don't know much about the love life of the rooster.  Here is what I have briefly observed.  The rooster, head erect, prances about the yard, cookle-doodle-doing at leisure, surrounded by his harem.  Then in a flash he sprints and jumps onto a neaby hen from behind.  By this time, the hen is already running away for dear life, but he jumps anyway.  Then, he falls off, straightens himself out and struts away.   Hard to say whether or not he has succeeded - it all happens in a flash.  By the number of eggs that are available around here, I gather he is successful more often than not.  Talk about the 30 second deed, this is more like 3.

Anyway so much about the rooster.  I trust that next time you hear one in the distance, or spot one, you will think of this creature with a different eye.

Things change so quickly!

Those of you who read my last blog will know what a struggle it was for me to leave Canada and return to Cameroon.  Things change so quickly!

I still want to be in Canada. However, after a few days back at the office and working with the wonderful people at Hope for the Widows and Orphans Ministry as well as meeting up with other VSO volunteers, I was settling back in and feeling more accepting of the two year commitment that we made.   I know that   I am able to carry out my placement and do my best to help this organization.  (BTW, thanks to the wonderful and supportive comments I received on my last blog – truly appreciated).

Then two things happened.  The first was a call from our son Eric, informing us that Dave’s mom has taken a turn for the worse – she is not expected to live many more days.  Needless to say, emotions are running high.  Should we have stayed in Canada, despite the fact there was little we could do?  Should we return – no as we probably would not get there in time.  We are questioning and doubting everything.  Of course, we were also mourning, crying, remembering, talking… all the things one does when one loses, or expects to lose a loved one.  Mom is in our thoughts all the time now, wondering how she is doing, speaking to family about her condition etc.    We have come to accept this loss, knowing for some time that it was coming.  We just wish we could support Eric our son and Barb, Dave’s sister more effectively at this trying time.   

Then another thing happened, putting into question our time in Cameroon.  The majority funding for my organization is through an American couple who heard of HOPE way back and created their own Ministry (also called Hope), in the US, to support the Cameroonian HOPE.  As it turns out, they are very unhappy about VSO’s  involvement with the organization.  They say they are afraid decisions will be made that they won’t approve of.  I met with them today and they grilled me on my qualifications and on VSO’s motivations.  The bottom line is that they don’t want anyone interfering with influencing in anyway that might take control away from them.  They do not want VSO involved.  It puts my boss in a very delicate situation as they unashamedly threatened to withdraw all funding if HOPE did not comply with their wishes.   So, my placement is in jeopardy. 

Oddly enough I am OK with that.  I don’t know how my boss will handle this; I surely would not want to be in her position.  If she decides that is in the best interests of the organization for me to disappear, then I will.   Sadly, this will severely restrict HOPE’s flexibility to grow and develop and to collaborate with other agencies.

But who knows what tomorrow will bring? Things change so quickly.

It's just that...

It isn’t that I don’t want to return to Cameroon, it’s just that I don’t want to leave Canada. It is very difficult to leave family this time, maybe because I feel we will be so far away for what seems to be such a long time.
So, 35,000 feet up, somewhere over the Atlantic, I am wondering – is this the right thing?
The trip to Canada was fabulous. In a whirlwind tour that is becoming our norm, we travelled across Canada and back again twice, enjoying every minute, even the time we slept in the car because we could not find a hotel.

The day after landing in Toronto, we flew to Calgary to meet up with the happy couple. Caravanning the moving truck and car 2300 miles and 2 time zones down the Trans-Canada highway, we moved all their wordly belongings to Montreal. On the way, we visited briefly with my sisters in Kirkland Lake, my aunt and sister in law in Rouyn Noranda, my brother, brother in law, nieces and nephews and friends in Ottawa.

A few days later, we were off in the opposite direction again toward British Columbia, north to Prince George, then drove two hours to the little town of Wells and the historic town of Barkerville where Rob and Linnea were married. Picture wonderful meals, story telling, laughter and catching up.... Picture wedding rehearsal, morning at the beauty salon (including mamosas) and decorating the reception hall. Picture a beautiful wedding, a glamorous bride arriving by stage coach to a small rustic village chapel to marry my first born. 

Then it starts getting difficult. The goodbyes on the Sunday after a fun BB-Q at Linnea`s parents` cottage were wrenching. I did not want to leave and hugged Robert so hard, I might have bruised him.

Next stop: Winnipeg to visit Dave’s mom who we helped move into a senior’s residence. It is good that she is in a good place where all her needs will be met. Very difficult to leave knowing that she is frail and not knowing when we might return.  So another difficult goodbye, quickly followed by another when we left Eric and Claude – why must I always get weapy?

Our last day was spent in Toronto with Julie who just finished a 24 hour shift at Sick Kids. She came with us on some last minute errands and we had a lunch together. Time for anotherdifficult goodbye. We missed Paul who had not yet returned from a business trip.

It is not that I don’t want to go back to Cameroon; it`s just that I don’t want to leave Canada.

So, focus on what awaits in Cameroon,  the friends that we made, the work we will do, the small contribution we hope to make. Time will pass quickly and when the time comes, it will be hard to leave there to return home.

It is just that I miss my family, the friends I saw and those I did not get to se, the fresh air and the space of Canada.  But I will make it and when I return to Canada, family and friends will be there and I will have a pile of great memories to share. It is just that, way up in the sky, there are still tears.